New Beginnings

 In order to progress we need to remember the past and reflect upon it, not forget it. In my life there have been many new beginnings, but I can't help but feel that this year it is a bigger and better change. It is more terrifying but at the same time I feel more like I am home.

 I feel that I never had a complete family. My dad left when I was 8 but I don't have many memories of him being there before anyway. My mom was forced into the work force outside of the home due to the fact that she had 3 kids and a home to pay for on her own. She wo rked 6 jobs. And no I am not making that up. She and I counted them all and at one time she had 6 jobs. She worked so hard and I remember spending countless hours with her at a couple of them.

 My sister was left to take care of the house and do lots of motherly things for me and my brother. She dated a guy who was a complete jerk to me and my brother. Then she dated Randy. Now Randy was different to Chanelle and he was so kind to me and Paul. How many boyfriends take their girlfriends little siblings with them to the lake? Out to dinner? Rent movies and bring them to the house for us all to watch together? Not many. I specifically remember one time when Randy brought his truck with some little GTsleds in the back and took us out to Lake Newell in winter. He tied the sleds to the back of his truck and then we would climb on them and he would pull us around the parking lot and camp ground area. It was so much fun. It truly took my mind off my parents divorce and my mom being gone so much. He also taught me how to go ice fishing.

 My brother had lots of mixed feelings and lots of anger. I know that now but at the time I didnt understand. I was 4 years younger then Paul and 5 years younger then Chanelle. I was lonely and wanted to be like them. I wanted Chanelle to be my friend since she was my sister.  I always wanted to be Chanelle. I admired Paul and thought he was "super cool."

 But no matter what happened I always felt sad that I never had that ideal family. My dad was gone and I barely knew him. My mom was always working and my brother and sister were teenagers with their own lives. I was 8 years old and was being left behind.

 I had always wanted my own family. I wanted to be able to wake up everyday and see the faces of the ones I love. Now that I have that it seems to good to be true. I see Frankie and Michael everyday and I can imagine a future. Although in the back of my head I feel this little pain that it could end anyday and that it might just all be a dream.

 My  goal for the new year is to be greatful of the things that I do have and not fear what I dont have and what could go wrong.