"Sisters"...from heartache to happiness

A few days ago I got news about my dear sister and the sad situation that she finds herself in. It wasnt more then a year ago that I felt the pain and fear that she today is feeling. The relationships that I came to have and the love for two special women I met because of it.

  I will not share my sisters story as it is still pretty new and I do not have her permission to share.

 In February of 2010 I was introduced to two of the most influential, spiritual, amazing, brave, and compassionate women of my life. Dallas and Megan. The situation that brought us all together was not the prettiest and yet we found comfort in sharing our stories with eachother and knowing that all three of us could share something so precious, scary, tragic, and huge, together.

Dallas was so pretty. So young. She had so much ahead of her. I may be a few years older then her but in wisdom and bravery she is by far my elder. I remember thinking how she always made me feel so dumb. Not that she was trying. But a girl of 17 maybe 18 could sit in front of me and tell me her story of placing her son in the arms of his new mommy and barely have a break in her voice. She handled her adoption so well that I always did and still do find her to be a huge affect on my life. She is amazing. I remember when we told our stories to eachother. I was so shocked to find that regardless of the religious community we all  live in and the way people gossip, she was still going to her regular high school and even attended her Graduation. Her braveness was so astonishing to me that I stood in awe of her. She carried this heavy burden and all the mistakes she had made in public and was not afraid of what others thought.

 The day she came in after her son had been placed I was a mess. I was so afraid of the feelings it would bring up in me. I thought that she would be a mess as well. Yet when she walked into the room, she looked more like a woman, a mature woman with some wisdom and knowledge that I still had yet to learn. She approached the story with bravery and beauty. I felt a love for her that I had never felt for someone who wasn't my sister. She was so compassionate to my situation and her boyfriend offered to talk to Frankie about how the adoption was for him. I don't think I ever thanked her or him for the offer but I want to let her know how much that meant to me. Now today she is still an inspiration to me. She has moved on with her life but has not forgotten the past. I only hope that I can show this much courage and faith as a mother.

Megan was not much younger then me. Her story was one of courage. She had a situation that I had never dreamed of being in. I felt so much sadness when she told the story and yet so much amazement at how she was preparing to be a single mother. I appreciated all the things she would ask about in our class. She was so mature; so strong. I felt retarded next to her faith and willingness to work hard the rest of her life.

 I left the class before her since Michael was born before her son, but not that long ago we had a play date. I was so happy to see how great she looked and how cute and funny her little Haven is. She updated me on what was going on and I have to say, again she amazed me at how great she is and at how far she is willing to go to do what is best for Haven and herself.

 In my heart I will always love these two women and what they taught me. We may have met at the worst of times in our own lives but I will continue to love them as my sisters. I am looking forward to seeing the great futures they both have and the growth that will come from it.

 So to Megan and  Dallas. This is for you! Thank you both for being such inspiring and loving women. I am a better person today for having met you. I consider you both my sisters, since you both taught me so much about life and love.

"A friend is someone who understands your past, believes in your future, and accepts you just the way you are."
-- Author Unknown

Dallas Sloan
Megan Jolynn

Joy and Pain.

This past week was full of surprises for me. I got a message telling me that two of my cousins had their babies. One was 6 weeks early but was doing awesome. The other was an emergency C- Section. I learned that the cousin who had the C- Section was my cousin Cassie. She lives close to me here in Lethbridge and so I wanted to go see her.
  Going to the hospital was a difficult thing. The last time I was there I had been giving birth to my son. The memories flew back and hit me like a brick. They hit me hard and fast. It was even more difficult going to the Maternity floor. There I had wondered in the hall holding my son wondering what I was going to do. Would I take him home? What would happen in the next two days?  Would I be brave enough to go through with my choice? All the feelings got stirred up in me and it gave me the jitters.
  As I turned the last corner and saw my cousin sitting there with her little girl in her bed, I couldnt help but forget my feelings and just feel happy for her. My cousin had been struggling for a couple years trying to have a baby. Her and her husband had started filling out adoption papers when they learned that they were pregnant. When I found out that she was pregnant I was filled with complete joy for her. She wanted to be a mother so badly.  Also what made it even more surprising was that the couple I had picked to take my Baby Boy home, Mr. and Mrs. H,  there were really good friends with my cousin. I had not known that when I picked them.
 But here was my cousin. Sore and bruised from her C Section but happy and content to have her little girl here. I walked in and felt something that I never got to feel when I had been there. Joy! Utter and complete joy. I was a beautiful thing.
 We talked about somethings. caught up on what was happening and then said goodbye as it was getting close to baby feeding time. As we left I couldnt help but feel that something was different. This time I left I knew Michael was mine. I was happy holding him. We were a family walking out that hospital. Just as we left the maternity ward and were walking to the elevators I looked up. My heart stopped. I was living my nightmare.
There in front of me was the adoptive parents. They had their backs turned but I knew Mrs. H had seen me. She was encouraging her husband, who was carrying their new baby, the other direction and into the waiting room of the Delivery Suites. My heart sank. I have been so affraid of running into them for so long that I couldnt think. There they were. The people that I had grown so much in love with, the people who wanted my son and were told we were giving him to them. It hurt. Old feelings rushed back. I wanted to run upto them and giver her a hug. I wanted to tell them everything. How sorry I was. I never meant to hurt them. I never knew that it would turn out that way. They were the most amazing couple to me. I wanted to see them happy.
 For a couple days after I cried at the memories and how scared it made me to see them.