Heber Robert McBride...

LIFE SKETCH OF

HEBER ROBERT MCBRIDE
(1843-1925)
Biographical Material Collected
by
Margaret Howard McBride Bachman
Arranged by
Lyle Bachman

Life Sketch
10 September 1937

In Churchtown, Lancashire, England, on May 13, 1843, Heber Robert McBride was born to Robert and Margaret Howard McBride. The second of their five children, he was destined to spend only the first few years of his life in his native city, because, along with the other members of his family, he early became a member of the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-Day Saints, and, like them, was forced to seek refuge among his brethren in a more tolerant land.

After his baptism by Thomas Cass and confirmation by Spicer Crandle on July 10, 1854, in his birthplace, he and his parents were so bitterly persecuted by non-believers that they were obliged to leave their home and seek companionship among others of their own faith. Making their way to Liverpool, they arranged passage and embarked on their journey to the United States of America. Hardly had the vessel weighed anchor when mutiny flared among the crew. The rebels chased the first mate into his cabin, but he returned brandishing two pistols, threatening to kill the first one who moved. At his orders, the next officer ran up the flag of distress, which brought boats and officials from the shore. The mutineers were hand-cuffed and jailed. Three days were required to recruit new seamen and prepare to leave again.

The second embarkation was made peacefully, as the ship and its passengers set out on their five-weeks' journey to the New World. At Boston, Massachusetts, where they disembarked, the McBrides found themselves to be the first Mormons to land there. Joining some six hundred other saints, who had gathered from all points for the purpose, they entrained for Iowa City, Iowa, to continue their journey westward with the Martin and Taylor Handcart Company being organized at that point. They were transported in cattle and freight cars, making a regular stop at Chicago, Illinois, and a forced stop at Rock Island, where the bridge had been burned out and it was necessary to ferry the train across.

The handcart company was encamped two miles from Iowa City, but no provision had been made to meet and transport the group from the train to the camp. Many felt like turning back, and surely would have done had their faith not been so invincible. Just at night-fall they set out on foot for the camp, but were soon deluged by a terrible storm. The thunder and lightning were worse than most of them had ever experienced. Some lost their way, Heber among them. Climbing to a near-by hill-top, he espied a fire in the distance and made for it through the water and wet grass in his path. On approaching it, he observed a large group of people huddled in its warmth. They were Saints with whom he had traveled, and the fire was the center of the handcart encampment. He was so overjoyed to be among friends in a free land that all the perils and hardships of the journey were forgotten.

Although the schedule called for immediate departure of the entire Company for Utah, a blunder on the part of those in charge delayed them a full six weeks. But even after the error had been corrected, the situation was far from ideal. The McBride family, seven in all, were given a small handcart incapable of carrying even the meagerest of the effects which they had brought with them from England. Nearly all of their clothing and most of their bedding were left behind with the understanding that it would be freighted and delivered to them upon their arrival in Utah. But they never saw it again, even though it would have added materially to their well-being both during their pathetic trek and after their disheartening arrival in the Valley.
Along with six others, their family of seven were assigned to occupy one small tent as sleeping quarters; then they set out, with Florence as their first stop. Another blunder causing three more long weeks of delay at this point found them hardly on the way but the season well advanced. Thereafter, for the first part of their trek, however, things went quite well, although they were obliged to wade every stream except the Platt [sic] River. Here they were ferried across. It was the last big stream in their path for the rest of their travels.

Their arrival at Fort Laramie, Wyoming, almost coincided with the onslaught of winter. As their trail led upward into the mountains, the weather became colder and more disagreeable and their provisions fewer. They were limited to rations of one pint of flour a day for each family. This was stirred with water obtained from melting snow and each member of the family sipped it by turns until it was consumed. Heber's mother became very ill and his father weaker and weaker because he would deny himself what little nourishment he could have derived from the pitiful ration in order to give more to the children. Soon he could pull the cart no longer, so it fell the lot of Heber, then 14, and his older sister, Janette, 16, to perform the task. They would pull first their mother, then their father; then both would walk until they collapsed from sheer exhaustion. Placing them in the cart again, the two children would continue on as best they could, but they were young and weak and the trail was almost impassable. Many other members of the Company suffered similar trials, and soon death came to take its toll. Most of the men passed on, several at a time.

One morning snow began to fall. The storm grew in intensity and continued unabated throughout the day and following night. It was bitter cold. The dawning of the second day brought no relief, but inflicted added misery on the McBride family when their father could not be found. Finally after some searching by the able-bodied men of the company, they discovered feet protruding from a snow drift. Digging into it, they uncovered his body and those of thirteen other men, all frozen to death. Thus, the family were deprived of their father, who at the early age of 42, starved and froze to death on his way to join the Saints in Zion. Taking one of their last blankets, they wrapped him in it and reburied him in the drift. As they passed on, glancing back at times, they were horrified to see through their tears that wolves had found the spot and were devouring the corpse of their martyred father.

There now remained only sufficient flour to ration four ounces to each family each day. Everyone was so cold and weak that none had courage to push forward. The snow fell continuously, blocking their path completely. But, at this juncture, when all had been abandoned, a stranger on horseback joined them with the glad news that teams and wagons were coming to meet them. Imbued with new life, they set out again and were soon out of the deep snow in the region of the river. Their mother's illness turned out to be smallpox, but the children could not stop, so they moved onward with the rest of the Company. They soon met the men coming to help them, and were given additional provisions.

A pound of flour per day was the family ration for a short time, but, since the bulk of supplies had been left at Fort Bridger, Wyo., with the understanding that the Company was in the immediate vicinity, this amount was soon greatly reduced.

At Devil's Gate, eighteen additional inches of snow and a freezing wind halted them. Heber's mother and the three smallest children were loaded into one of the wagons and he and Janette were left to pull the cart after the wagons had broken the trail. After two miles of this, the children were far behind, week and numb with cold. But, going as best they could despite their tears and sufferings, they managed to reach Sweet Water without being left too far in the rear Another group of wagons and men from Utah were awaiting them there. Taking the cart from the two children, some of them pulled it across the ice while others carried the exhausted youngsters to their family in a cave on the other side of the storm to shield them from the howling northern blast. There they fixed their tent, brought them wood and kindled them a fire to warm themselves. But the bad weather continued and the Company was held in this spot for so long that the daily ration was reduced to four ounces of flour apiece for all over twelve years and two ounces for those under. Death stalked among them again, and most of the Company who had survived the first siege succumbed before a third group from Utah succeeded in reaching them with sufficient provisions to furnish one-half pound of flour apiece to the few survivors.

Taking as many of the Company as they could, among them Heber's mother and her three youngest children--these teamsters set out for Ogden, Utah, leaving Heber and Janette alone again to pull the cart. After two days of slow progress, they were met by more help from Salt Lake City; so, leaving their carts on the spot, they placed their few belongings in the wagons and left. They were given more to eat, were able to ride rather than walk, and were helped each night with their tents and wood-gathering. Thus, they finally reached Ogden, Utah.

A log cabin of one room, containing nothing more than four blocks of wood to serve as chairs, was given the McBride family. By themselves at last, they looked at one another in wonder, at a loss as to what to do to keep from freezing and starving. But they were not puzzled for long because Brother Samuel Ferrin, one of the earlier pioneers who was now established as owner of a home and considerable property in the vicinity, came and took the entire family to his home. He was recently a widower, so he married Heber's mother and she settled down to caring for his seven motherless children as well as her own brood.

With the coming of Spring, Heber obtained work on a farm, and he pursued that occupation for the rest of his life.

In 1860, he was ordained an Elder by John Volker. Five years later he was called to go to the Platt River to help migrating Saints through the snow. On August 1, 1868, at the age of 25, he was married to Elizabeth Ann Burns in Eden, Utah, by John Riddle. In November of the same year, he and his wife were sealed in the Endowment House in Salt Lake City. Shortly after, on February 1, 1876 he took his family and joined several others who had been called by the Church authorities to settle the Little Colorado River country, but the venture proved a failure. Returning to Eden, Utah, which then became the family home, he pursued his occupation as a farmer and worked actively in the Church. He was ordained a Seventy in the 75th Quorum, Dec. 22, 1883, and a High Priest, Jan. 27, 1884, by L. W. Shurtliff in Eden. William Lake gave him his patriarchal blessing in Ogden. After serving as president of the YMMIA and as ward teacher, he was set apart by W. W. Taylor as First Counselor to Bishop David McKay. Then on October 15, 1885, he was set apart by John Henry Smith to serve as Counselor to Bishop Josiah Ferrin.

On May 25, 1894 at the age of 43, his wife died, leaving him with seven children, none of them married. Four months later, in September, he married Elizabeth B. Gould, by whom he had five more children. With eight members of his family, he departed for Welling, Alberta, Canada, June 3, 1904, where he took up land and settled. He died there at the age of 82, on July 31, 1925, after having worked diligently at his occupation, served as a scout in the Black Hawk Indian war, as an Indian guard, and in minor and major church capacities. He had pioneered in many localities and contributed much to the advancement of Zion. At present (September 10, 1937) his descendants comprise 91 grandchildren, 42 great grandchildren, and 31 great, great grandchildren.

Elizabeth Gould McBride passed away March 24, 1940 in Canada.

Note: This edition was typed by Danel W. Bachman, 9 September 1995.






“Oh, Father, Father”
(Short Story of Heber McBride 1843 - 1925)


Heber McBride, then 13 years old, traveled to the Salt Lake Valley in the Martin Handcart Company in 1856 with he parents, Robert and Margaret, and four brothers and sisters.

The following incident, found in his memoirs, occurred one day after the company crossed the North Platte River, just west of present-day Casper, Wyo.

“That evening as we crossed the Platte River for the last time it was very cold. The next morning there was about six inches of snow on the ground, then what we had to suffer can never be told. Father was very bad and could hardly sit up in the tent…. I managed to get father in one of the wagons. That was the last we ever saw of him alive….

“(That evening) the snow was getting very deep and my sister and me had to pitch our tent and get some wood, but there were plenty of dry willows. After we had made mother as comfortable as possible, we went to find father, but the wind was blowing the snow so hard we could not see anything…. We did not find father that night.

“The next morning the snow was about eighteen inches deep and awful cold. While my sister was preparing our little bite of breakfast I went to look for father, and found him under the wagon with snow all over him and he was stiff and dead. I felt as though my heart would burst as I sat down beside him in the snow and took his hand in mine and cried, “Oh, Father, Father.”

“There we were, away from everything, away out on the plains with hardly anything to eat or wear, and father dead and mother sick; a widow with five children and hardly able to live from day to day. After I had my cry out I went back to the tent and told mother and the children. To try to write my feelings is out of the question.

“We were not the only family called upon to mourn the loss of a father that morning, for there were thirteen men dead in camp.

“The men that were able to do anything cleared off the snow and made a fire and thawed the ground and dug a hole and buried all in one grave. I can assure you that the men had no heart to do more, than they had to do.”

(Source: Memoirs of Heber McBride, October 1856)
Darvil B. McBride, Newport Beach, California

Mormon Pioneer Overland Travel, 1847–1868
Source of Trail Excerpt:McBride, H[eber] R[obert], "Tounge nor Pen Can Never Tell the Sorrow: Heber McBride Describes the 1856 Martin Handcart Disaster," Crossroads Newsletter, spring 1994, 3-4. Read Trail Excerpt:was taken to Iowa and their we had to stay 3 or 4 weeks before we could start our journey as we were coming with handcarts[.] their seemed to be bad Management some where[.] got started and arrived at winter quarters of Mormon fame now called Florence[.] their we had to stay for 3 weeks through some more bad management[.] their was 7 of us in familey and all we had was one little handcart and that got to be to much for us before we got through[.] their were some wagnos to haul provisions for the Company and if any was sick to haul them and they did for a while but Mother took chills and fever[.] then our trouble began[.] she would walk as far as she could by holding on to the cart then we get her in to one of the wagons[.] the baby [aged two and turned three on the journey] we had to haul all the way[.] the next one was 6 years old then one 8 but they walked all the way till the snow got so deep they coulden they coulden walke but while the weather was good we got along very well but when food got scarce and it began to get cold the men began to give out[.] teams gave out and so many sick and dieing that they couldent all ride[.] then we were reduced to ½ pound of flour a day for grown people and 4 ounces for children under 12 years old[.] Father at last gave out and in the morning Father and Mother would start out to walk till one would give out and sit down or lay down till we came along and get them on the cart and till the other one was give out[.] then the one that was on the cart was rested then we would take the other one and one would walk by holding to the cart and we would not get into camp till after dark and we had to wade all the streams and the weather was getting very cold and snow falling a little everyday or 2[.] one morning I got father in a wagon and that was the last time we saw him alive[.] I went after we got the tent up but it was snowing very hard and I couldent find him so you will have to immagin how we felt[.] their were 3 other men in our tent[.] Wm Barton and wife and 2 children[,] 1 girl like my sister 15 or 16 years old[,] and 2 old men and my F[a]ther all died in one night[.] I think the 2 old men died like Father did[.] I went in the morning and found my father ded and frozzen stif covered in snow[.] whether he was dead and was put there or how he got there will never be known[.] tounge nor pen can never tell the sorrow and suffering[.] my sister[,] I and Mrs Barton got father to the tent[.] their was 2 families their in the snow and hardley anything to eat but their were men enough to bury the dead[.] Aran Jacksons father died at the same time[.] prhaps you know him[,] he lives on the bench there[in Ogden?] 13 men died that one night and all piled into one pit[.] all died by hardship and starvation and the snow and the cold was something awful and our clothing all about dun[.] when we went to bed we dident hav bedding to keep is warm[.] I have wondered many times since how it was we everd lived for my sister and I used [to] pray we could die to get out of our misery[.] the oxen began to die and then was di[s]tributed among the people[,] rawhide and all[.] we was then at the last crossing of the platte river[.] had to stay there several days so many dieng but had to try it again[.] when we got away from the river the snow was not so deep and before we got to sweetwater we met 5 teams from Utah but they came so much farther than they expected to that they were nearly out of provisons but they were workers[.] the[y] put the tents up and got wood and took care of Mother and the 3 little ones[.] we got to Devels [Devil's] Gate[.] it was so cold all day we could hardley make it but when we got there the tents were up and big fires burning[.] Sister and I cried for joy[.] it seemed so nice to have nothing to do but when we got up in the morning the snow was 18 inc[hes] deep and the north wind blowing hard and cold but the men came and took the tent down and fixed our load on our cart and they went ahead and broake the road[.] went about 2 miles and turend and crost s[w]eetwater[.] when we saw that we felt very bad to think we had to ford that stream and I dont think we could have made it in our week[e]ned condition but when we got there we was very much suprised for there were some men there[.] they carried us across[.] we went into a cove in the mountain and got out of the wind and when we got there the tent was up and Mother and Mrs barton [were] sitting by a good fire[.] the history of the Church says we onley staid their 2 days but that is a big mistake and I dont care who wrote it and I find they pas over the hand cart blunder very light for right their more died than any where on the road[,] for we was reduced to 4 ounces of flour and children 2 ounces[.] just think of it[,] out of a company[of] nearly 500 people[,] 144 dead and it looked like we would all die but some more teams came from Utah [and] then our trouble ended as far as handcarts was conserned for we left them all there[.] soon met more teams then we all got to ride and got to Utah[.] [I] was taken to Sammiul [Samuel Ferrin's] ferrins Ogden Dec 1856 taking about 7 months to make the trip and the family is all alive now in 1923 after all our hardship and our ages range from 68 to 83[.] take what you want from this tho as it may not be just what you want
[Signed] H[eber] R[obert] McBride

Mormon Pioneer Overland Travel, 1847–1868
Source of Trail Excerpt:McBride, Peter Howard, [Life sketch], in Susan Arrington Madsen, I Walked to Zion [1994], 44-46.Read Trail Excerpt:We had to burn buffalo chips for wood, not a tree in sight, no wood to be found anywhere. Just dry earth and rivers. We children and old folks would start early so we wouldn't be too far behind at night. A great many handcarts broke down, oxen strayed away, which made traveling rather slow. Quite an undertaking to get nearly one thousand persons who had never had any camping experience to travel, eat, and cook over campfires. It took much patience for the captain to get them used to settling down at night and to get started in the morning. We saw a great many buffalo as we traveled up the Platte River. The people were forbidden to kill them, as it made the Indians angry. So they hired the Indians to kill what they needed to eat. An Indian sold a man a whole buffalo for five cents' worth of tobacco. Both parties were satisfied. Sometimes a herd of fifty thousand buffalo would cross the plains, and one time our company met three thousand Sioux Indians, all warriors all in war paint. Our people were much frightened, fear held the whole camp in its grip as they all expected to be annihilated. But their fears were groundless. They told our interpreters they were going to fight the Pawnee tribes. They wouldn't hurt us because we were mostly squaws and papooses. It would be cowardly to fight us, so they gave us the road.
Much hunger and cold were experienced by these weary handcart travelers; all they had to eat was a little flour, which was cut to ¾ pound to a person. Many aged people died; even the young people could not stand the hardships. My baby sister [Margaret Alice] and I were even cut to less flour, and we were really hungry. Our teams gave out and died, and we were glad to eat the meat. I remember some men passed us one day and stopped to talk. They gave my baby sister some cookies. She carried them in her little pocket, and I was always with her and would tease for a bite. She would give me a taste once in a while, and it was so good. No cake I ever tasted since was ever so good. The exposure to cold rain, snow, and ice, pushing carts all day, the scarcity of food and wood caused many strong men to perish.
A man by the name of Cyrus Wheelock, just returning from a mission to the Eastern States, was riding a horse. He carried some of the children across the river, even helped pull some of the handcarts by a rope fastened to his saddle. One time he had three little boys on his horse, one in front and two behind him. I was the last boy on that side of the river and tried to wade across. He told me to climb up behind the last boy behind his saddle, which I did. We crossed the river all right, then the horse leaped up the steep bank, and I slid off in the shallow water. I held on to the horse's tail and came out all right.
That night the wind was blowing very cold, and the carts were sheltered behind a big bluff, but the snow drifted in and covered our tent. My father [Robert McBride] died that night. He had worked hard all day pushing and pulling handcarts through the icy waters of that dangerous river, helping many people with all their belongings to reach the other side.
My mother [Margaret Ann Howard McBride] was sick all the way over, and my sister Jenetta had the worry of us children. She carried water from the river to do the cooking. Her shoes gave out, and she walked through the snow barefoot, actually leaving bloody tracks in the snow. Father was a good singer. He had charge of the singing in our company, and the night he died he sang a song, the first verse that reads "O Zion, when I think of you, I long for pinions like a dove, And mourn to think I should be so distant from the land I love."
We camped at the Sweetwater River. A meeting was held. It was decided that we could go no further, the snow so deep and no food. We were doomed to starvation. They gave me a bone of an ox that had died. I cut off the skin and put the bone in the fire to roast. And when it was done some big boys came and ran away with it. Then I took the skin and boiled it, drank the soup, and ate the skin, and it was a good supper.
The next day we had nothing to eat but some bark from trees. Later we had a terrible cold spell; the wind drifted so much I knew I would die. The wind blew the tent down. They all crawled out but me. The snow fell on it. I went to sleep and slept warm all night. In the morning I heard someone say, "How many are dead in this tent?" My sister said, "Well, my little brother must be frozen to death in that tent." So they jerked the tent loose, sent it scurrying over the snow. My hair was frozen to the tent. I picked myself up and came out quite alive, to their surprise.
That day we got word that some teams were coming to meet us from the Valley. Three teams came that night. No one but a person having gone through what we had suffered can imagine what a happy moment it was for this "belated handcart company." Men, women, and children knelt down and thanked the Almighty God for our delivery from certain death. It put new life into all the Saints. The next day several more teams arrived, and there was room for all to ride.
We finally arrived in Salt Lake City, November 30, 1856.



“Oh, Father, Father”(Short Story of Heber McBride 1843 - 1925)

Heber McBride, then 13 years old, traveled to the Salt Lake Valley in the Martin Handcart Company in 1856 with he parents, Robert and Margaret, and four brothers and sisters.

The following incident, found in his memoirs, occurred one day after the company crossed the North Platte River, just west of present-day Casper, Wyo. “ That evening as we crossed the Platte River for the last time it was very cold. The next morning there was about six inches of snow on the ground, then what we had to suffer can never be told. Father was very bad and could hardly sit up in the tent…. I managed to get father in one of the wagons. That was the last we ever saw of him alive…. “ (That evening) the snow was getting very deep and my sister and me had to pitch our tent and get some wood, but there were plenty of dry willows. After we had made mother as comfortable as possible, we went to find father, but the wind was blowing the snow so hard we could not see anything…. We did not find father that night. “ The next morning the snow was about eighteen inches deep and awful cold. While my sister was preparing our little bite of breakfast I went to look for father, and found him under the wagon with snow all over him and he was stiff and dead. I felt as though my heart would burst as I sat down beside him in the snow and took his hand in mine and cried, “Oh, Father, Father.” “ There we were, away from everything, away out on the plains with hardly anything to eat or wear, and father dead and mother sick; a widow with five children and hardly able to live from day to day. After I had my cry out I went back to the tent and told mother and the children. To try to write my feelings is out of the question. “ We were not the only family called upon to mourn the loss of a father that morning, for there were thirteen men dead in camp. “ The men that were able to do anything cleared off the snow and made a fire and thawed the ground and dug a hole and buried all in one grave. I can assure you that the men had no heart to do more, than they had to do.” (Source: Memoirs of Heber McBride, October 1856)Darvil B. McBride, Newport Beach, California

Birthday Boy!!

I know it has been a long time since I posted anything about life, Michael or me. Time seems to have flown away on me.

 Last month on July 15, Michael turned 1! To say that much has changed in a year is putting it lightly. Michael was the best thing to ever happen to me. He is my light, my life, and all that I live for. His smiling face makes everything seem brighter. I can't help but pray that he will forever be my little prince charming, but I know that will not be. He will grow up someday but for now he is my little Prince. He saved my life and he changed me into who I am.

    For his birthday we went to Henderson Swimming Pool with his Grandparents. I personally hate parties and it causes me to much stress to think about hosting one. We went swimming and then went to our house for food and cake! Michael was such a great sport and he had so much fun at the pool. He loves water.

Michael got a taste of KitKat bars at the pool. I think he liked it!

Munchin on some grub and wrapped in his housecoat after the swimming.

He got to play with his cousins, Landon and Naomi, since my mom was babysitting them that weekend. Michael goes to their house all the time when I am at work and his Aunt Heather takes care of him. He has made some playmates in the process.

   Michael has grown up so much and his sense of humor is awesome! He makes me laugh all the time and he is getting smarter by the day. When I ask him to do something, he does it. When  I am doing the laundry, he very politely unfolds everything for me so that I have to do it again. It has become an ongoing game of ours and he finds it the best game ever. He also loves to open the shower door while you are taking a shower and then will stand there and play in the water at your feet. Makes for a breezy hot shower and a fast one as well.

Beautiful Mountains,

In Alberta we suffer the harsh weather all year. It may be summer but almost everybody carries a sweater with them just in case that wind starts up or maybe it starts to rain, or even crazier, snow!

 Summer is a time that I truly enjoy. Not only is my little family celebrated every month of summer, but we go camping in British Columbia every July. Camping is our favorite thing. We get away from the hustle and bustle, work, drama, and also electronics. We rely on fire and eachother. I love nature and the beauty it has. Being up in the Canadian Rockies is like a piece of heaven. I can see how God truly loved us. He gave us this most amazing place to live. I feel sorry for all the people in the world who say that miracles don't exist. If only they spent a few days in the mountains.

 
 In the bible, Moses went up into the Mountains to speak with the Lord. Noah went into the mountains as well. The bible says that God dwells in holy places, and for me the mountains truly are the most holy beautiful places on this earth. Temples are glorious, beautiful, peaceful and radiant. But the mountains are truly miraculous. They offer peace of mind, fear, humility, education, nature, birth, death, and so much more. Everything I value is with me when I go to the mountains. Just me, my family, nature, and God!

 

My Happiness Plan.

  As many women my age, I grew up with a mother who loved Oprah. So I learned many things by watching with my mother. She inspired me and I eventually started watching her on my own. Her last episode made me cry. She inspired me with her wisdom. I felt like she was talking to me.

  "We all believe we deserve to be happy. But not many of us think we are worthy of happiness. There is a difference. You ARE worthy of happiness. "

When she said those words I felt tingles down my spine. I felt like she was speaking to me. This past year has been incredibly difficult for me. Many ups and downs. Many nights of staying awake for all hours wondering "What if?"  I wondered onto Oprah's website the other night and found the article "Your Happiness Plan" 10 Ways to be Happier NOW!  I am going to challenge myself. I am going to apply all the things mentioned in this into my own life.

Step One begins today.

  5 Things Happy People Do.

1. They find their most Golden Self. 
2. They Design their lives to bring in Joy. 
3. They avoid "IF ONLY" fantasies. 
4. They put best friends first. 
5. They allow themselves to be Happy.  (You are worthy of Happiness.)

To Oprah!

 This is for OPRAH! The woman who liberated women all over the world. Gave them a voice and proved that a woman is a very powerful thing to be. She encouraged children, women, and men who have endured abuse, to speak out and share their story. She has millions of dollars and she gives so much of it back to the people who need it most. She had a troubled childhood, a shaky beginning in her career and she showed that no matter what the odds, you can be somebody and you can do something that will impact those around you.
 From Dave Pelzer to Clayton Moss, she covered the most horrific cases of child abuse. She reunited families together after years of separation. She honored soldiers and their families. She educated girls who had no place to go and would in no other way have an education. She used her popularity and her money to put many pedophiles behind bars. She encouraged people to read and to give back to those around you.

Oprah's Big Give forever touched my heart and changed the lives of thousands of people.

I respect Oprah and what she has done for the world. She opened my eyes to many many things. She shared Dr. Oz with us. Who has taught me so much about health (mental and physical) and has encouraged me to take better care of myself. She gave us Dr. Phil who has great sayings such as "How's that workin for ya?" or "The way to predict future behavior is by past behavior." She has opened up her heart to the world and in many ways she has saved my life.
Oprah helped me with my parents divorce and when I was feeling alone. She taught me that no matter who it is, there is no right for someone to abuse another. She taught me that I need to dream. Dream big, dream small. Whatever it is I need to have a dream.

So this one is for Oprah. Thank you for saving the lives of so many and teaching the world so much.

Life as Mommy...with Postpartum Depression.

 When Michael was born I was so sure that I was not going to be one of those people that would get Postpartum Depression (PPD) but soon enough the symptoms were clear as day. I became so embarrassed about it that I tried to hide it. Finally when I went to visit my mother she sat me down and said that she knew something was wrong. I started to bawl immediately and she just put her arm on my shoulders and let me cry. She talked to me about how I felt. And to be honest, I didn't know how I felt. I didn't like myself, what I had done, why I had done it and I just wanted things to end and for me to disappear. When we spoke about this I felt like for the first time in a LONG time somebody knew what I was saying. Frankie and I were struggling with out relationship, the adoption choice, and being new parents. Adding depression on top of that was incredibly difficult. He didn't know how I felt and what to do. I felt like I was a prisoner in my own body and I had a baby to take care of. As much as I love Michael, all I wanted was for him to sleep all day and not need me so much. I felt like I was unable to take care of myself so how on earth could I take care of a helpless baby?
 
 When Michael was 9 months old, I said to myself, I need to get some help. I had been trying to ignore this problem for so long and my mental health was sliding down the drain. How was I to go back to work, be a mother and not fall apart? I went to my doctor in Raymond, Dr. Terry Smith. He has been my doctor for years and he knows my mother had depression as well as other members of my family. He listened to me and immediately put me on something. It feels good to know that finally I am on the path to recovery.

 At first my bad days were only once in a while, then they were more frequent. Then all of a sudden they were lasting 2 -3 days at a time and I was so incredibly angry that I actually threw something at Frank. I physically wanted to hurt him to make him feel how I felt. To feel the frustration and the anger, but mostly the pain, that I was living with every single day. Now my days are better, my moments are no longer days. I have a few bad hours here and there but mostly all I feel is improvement.

TO the Loves of my Life...Frankie and Michael.

I am blessed to have two very special men in my life. Frankie and Michael.
Frankie is a very hardworking, amazing father, and funny dorkishly cute man.

Kimberley BC July 5 2009

Kimberley BC- Mine Railway Train Ride July 3 2009

We go camping together and have a blast in BC every summer. We love the mountains, and the fresh air. I love the animals that you can hear wondering around at night. Frankie loves to cook over the fire and when we camp we eat better then we do at home.
The first camping trip we went on was to Kimberley BC. I went there when I was 8 and I had a blast. So I convinced Frankie to go there and we had so much fun. The weather was beautiful, and we stayed at a really fun and really nice camp ground. Kimberley Riverside Campground. We went to the townsite and walked around and I made Frank go on the Underground Railway train ride with me. They take you up to the old mine, and they give you a tour of it. It is deep inside the mountain.Frankie and I love movies, and we look forward to the warm sun that comes every summer so that we can escape to British Columbia. This year I want to go to Golden BC and to Radium Hot Springs.

Michael is a funny little boy with spunk. He is a flirt and is extremely shy. He loves his daddy and can already say Dadda and he says it ALL THE TIME! I am trying to teach him Momma but so far all I get is mmmm. He was born 6lbs 10oz and he has grown up so much.

Michael July 15 2010  6 hours old.

Michael February 2011. 

I found a song three years ago when Frankie and I met and ever since then it has been my theme song about him.Westlife's I Wanna Grow Old With You.

Another day
Without your smile
Another day just passes by
But now I know
How much it means
For you to stay
Right here with me

The time we spent apart will make our love grow stronger
But it hurt so bad I can't take it any longer

I wanna grow old with you
I wanna die lying in your arms
I wanna grow old with you
I wanna be looking in your eyes
I wanna be there for you
Sharing everything you do
I wanna grow old with you

A thousand miles between us now
It causes me to wonder how
Our love tonight remains so strong
It makes our risk right all along

The time we spent apart will make our love grow stronger
But it hurt so bad I can't take it any longer

I wanna grow old with you
I wanna die lying in your arms
I wanna grow old with you
I wanna be looking in your eyes
I wanna be there for you
Sharing everything you do
I wanna grow old with you

Things can come and go I know but
Baby I believe
Something's burning strong between us
Makes it clear to me

I wanna grow old with you
I wanna die lying in your arms
I wanna grow old with you
I wanna be looking in your eyes
I wanna be there for you
Sharing everything you do
I wanna grow old with you

Birth Mothers Appreciation

  I am super duper excited about Birth Mothers Appreciation. Me and two others have started working on putting together a group for girls who need support. It is not just for those who are placing for adoption, but for those who had a surprise pregnancy. Whether you keep your little one, or you place them for adoption, this is the place to read about others who have the same feelings and experiences that they had.


birthmothersappreciation.blogspot.com    

HAPPY BIRTHMOTHERS DAY!!!!

Marie Osmond does the best job showing the emotion that this subject deserves.

Let your light so shine...

When I was 16 I was very active in my church. I went to the LDS church in Southern Alberta. My mom was the Laurels leader, which was my class in Young Womens. Every week, with every lesson she wanted to give us something inspiring to take home and help us remember the point to the lesson. Now at the time we both were in love with the movie "Coach Carter." The inspiration to be the best that you can was very touching to us both. The next lesson that we were scheduled to have was called "Letting your light shine..."

In the movie, near the end when Coach Carter comes to clean out his office after the school said that basketball was more important then good grades, there is a part that makes me cry. Timo Cruz was a troubled player. He lived a harsh life and everyday Coach Carter asked him "What are you afraid of boy?" The entire movie he pushes Coach Carter away and finally at the end, he knows what he is afraid of.

He quotes someone very special. Someone who suffered for years in prison. Nelson Mandela.

"Our deepest fear is not that we are inadequate. Our deepest fear is that we are powerful beyond measure. It is our light, not our darkness, that most frightens us. Your playing small does not serve the world. There is nothing enlightened about
shrinking so that other people wont feel insecure around you. We are all meant to shine as children do. Its not just in some of us; it is in everyone. And as we let our own lights shine, we unconsciously give other people permission to do the same. As we are liberated from our own fear, our presence automatically liberates others."


This quote truly has touched my life, and it meant a great deal when my mother
handed the quote out in class. Reminding all the 16 and 17 year olds to not be afraid of who we truly are. Let your true self shine and no matter what others say, it will be the best thing. We need not fear others and what they say, for if we stand up for what we believe and think and who we are, then there would be no problem that we couldn't handle.

As a woman in 2011, it is truly hard to be true to yourself with all the pressure that there is. Makeup, working out, education, motherhood, friends, social activities, cooking... Everyday you are told that a real woman is this or that. How many of these woman are truly happy in their lives?

I encourage everyone, and especially all the young woman, to be true to the real you. Stand up for who you are. Don't let someone walk over your beliefs and tell you what to do. If you don't want to do something then don't. It is as simple as that. Just say NO!

Remember that out there is someone who will always appreciate the real you. They won't hate you for your mistakes, they will love you in spite of them.

ROYAL WEDDING WEEK!!!

I can't help but feel excited about Prince William and Kate Middleton getting married this week. I have set the PVR and am counting down to the wedding of the decade. I have watched the wedding of Charles to Diana Spencer many times and I can't help but hope that the royal family has learned some things since Diana.

We all have seen pictures of the famous Royal Wedding of Charles Prince of Wales to Lady Diana Spencer. Her dress with its incredibly long train and her glittering family Spencer tiara. Her youth is very clear as she was not yet the style icon she later on became.

I hope that the press and the country doesn't continue to link the similarities of Kate to Diana. They are so different from each other. Of course if you look at the pictures you can see some clothing items are very similar but the personalities of the two women are so different. Diana seemed to be drowning when she married Charles. She was not prepared for the life she would have to lead and she was not the typical woman that royalty wanted. She wasn't going to sit aside and let tradition dictate to her what she was allowed to do. She was open about her feelings and that she was going to do what she wanted to do. She broke years of tradition and fought for what she believed things should be. She had been raised in the Aristocratic world and in my opinion, was not a fan of tradition. She was screaming for a modern life, where she was allowed to do what she wanted, raise her children how she saw fit. She wanted a husband who loved her and wanted to give her all the happiness she deserved. Yet what she got was a man who only married her to get married and satisfy his family.

I cant even help but notice that the love William and Kate have is real. It is passionate and simple. Kate knows that she will have a big role and she is preparing to do so. She has never shown immaturity like Diana did at times. But then again she does have 10 years more experience then Diana did.

I wish them all the luck in the world.

FIREWORK...!!!!

I truly feel that this song is about everyone. We all have something to offer and we all need to let it shine. This year I make this song my theme.


Firework lyrics
Songwriters: Dean, Esther; Eriksen, Mikkel; Hermansen, Tor Erik; Perry, Katy; Wilhelm, Sandy Julien;

Do you ever feel like a plastic bag
Drifting through the wind, wanting to start again?
Do you ever feel, feel so paper thin
Like a house of cards, one blow from caving in?

Do you ever feel already buried deep?
Six feet under screams but no one seems to hear a thing
Do you know that there's still a chance for you
'Cause there's a spark in you?

You just gotta ignite the light and let it shine
Just own the night like the 4th of July

'Cause baby, you're a firework
Come on, show 'em what you're worth
Make 'em go, oh
As you shoot across the sky

Baby, you're a firework
Come on, let your colors burst
Make 'em go, oh
You're gonna leave 'em falling down

You don't have to feel like a waste of space
You're original, cannot be replaced
If you only knew what the future holds
After a hurricane comes a rainbow

Maybe you're reason why all the doors are closed
[ From: http://www.elyrics.net/read/k/katy-perry-lyrics/firework-lyrics.html ]
So you could open one that leads you to the perfect road
Like a lightning bolt, your heart will blow
And when it's time, you'll know

You just gotta ignite the light and let it shine
Just own the night like the 4th of July

'Cause baby you're a firework
Come on, show 'em what you're worth
Make 'em go, oh
As you shoot across the sky

Baby, you're a firework
Come on, let your colors burst
Make 'em go, oh
You're gonna leave 'em falling down

Boom, boom, boom
Even brighter than the moon, moon, moon
It's always been inside of you, you, you
And now it's time to let it through

'Cause baby you're a firework
Come on, show 'em what you're worth
Make 'em go, oh
As you shoot across the sky

Baby, you're a firework
Come on, let your colors burst
Make 'em go, oh
You're gonna leave 'em falling down

Boom, boom, boom
Even brighter than the moon, moon, moon
Boom, boom, boom
Even brighter than the moon, moon, moon

Birth Mothers Appreciation

As I was part of a birth mothers class, I know just how important the relationships that you make with those other girls truly are. It gives you the reassurance that you are not the only one who makes mistakes and that you are not in this alone. My pregnancy was incredibly difficult and if it wasn't for my mother, Frankie, and the class, I believe I would have really lost it.

I ran across a blog called Birth Mother Baskets the other day and it truly touched me. The appreciation and care that they are showing these girls is so deep and sincere. I wish it was available in Canada.

So since I was once in the BM shoes, I know just how hard it is. The emotional stress that you go through. Even though we kept Michael in the end, the stress of that choice was just as difficult. I had to hurt people who were so excited, their entire family was waiting for our son, yet we couldn't let him go. My family was very upset about it as well as they all felt like the adoptive family had lost a child.

I came up with an idea. An idea that I find perfect since it will not only be for the girls who place their children, but will be there for all the girls no matter what they do, except abortion. I contacted the other girls from my class, Dallas and Megan, and they have both agreed to help me out and they both seemed super excited. My family is going to be joining as well, as part of my family charity project. Project: Angels Keep.

What we will be doing it putting together things that will help with the adjustment process. We are gathering personal testimonials from girls who have placed for adoption, chosen single parenting, or they are raising the baby with the father. We will collect quotes, songs, books, journals, products for pampering, gift certificates, and for the mothers that are keeping we will give them gift certificates for places like Wal- Mart and Superstore and baby clothing stores to help with the cost of raising and feeding a child. Every basket will be filled with love and with things from people who have experienced these things before. We might even go in and talk to the girls and share our stories with them.

The project is called Birth Mothers Appreciation. Since every girl in the class will be giving birth, I consider them all Birth Mothers. No matter what, even if they keep or place for adoption.

If you wish to share your story, or you have quotes or songs that will be appropriate please contact the group at

BirthMotherAppreciation@groups.facebook.com

ONE COUPLE, ONE ANGEL, ONE HEART

A couple is sealed at the alter, for time and eternity
With a love that will not falter.

A couple begins their journey through life,
To start a family becomes their great strife.

A child is conceived within the womb,
A child passes on only to soon.

A couple continues to shed tear after tear, for conceiving,
Another child takes year after year.

A couple then journeys down another path,
Perhaps not flesh nor of bone but
In the end, still their own.

An angel appears from out of the blue,
With something precious and dear
That nobody knew.

A couple meets the angel feeling extremely grateful,
For an angel’s prayers are answered because
She was faithful.

One heart binds them both after meeting a short while,
A couple, an angel, a love for one child.

From God’s arms, to yours, to mine it will be.
An angel is blessed for God’s eyes will see.

One couple, one angel joined at the heart,
A child doubly loved and blessed from the start.

An angel who set forth the last puzzle piece,
For a couple, a child, a love that will never cease.





To learn more about Birth Mother Baskets please copy and paste the link.

http://birthmotherbaskets.blogspot.com/

My Little Butterfly

You were finally here,
My little butterfly.
You were placed in my arms,
And I couldn’t help but cry.
You were so precious so beautiful.
I stared at you with pride.
Your hands so tiny,
Your eyes so bright.
You were finally here,
My little butterfly.
And I knew it would be hard
To say goodbye.
I cried for you at night.
How could I let my
Little butterfly go?
Then I thought of the new world
You will see.
Of the loving parents that will
Take care of thee.
And I felt peace.
You were finally here,
My little butterfly.
And no matter how hard it is,
I must say goodbye.
So, open your wings
And don’t be afraid to fly.
Fly away to a new life.
Where opportunities are
At every door.
And my love around every corner.
You were finally here,
My little butterfly.
But, quickly you left
To live your new life.
You’ll always be in my heart.
Your memory in my every thought.
Those tiny hands,
And bright eyes.
I will forever love you,
My Little Butterfly. © gina 2000



http://birthmotherbaskets.blogspot.com/

"Sisters"...from heartache to happiness

A few days ago I got news about my dear sister and the sad situation that she finds herself in. It wasnt more then a year ago that I felt the pain and fear that she today is feeling. The relationships that I came to have and the love for two special women I met because of it.

  I will not share my sisters story as it is still pretty new and I do not have her permission to share.

 In February of 2010 I was introduced to two of the most influential, spiritual, amazing, brave, and compassionate women of my life. Dallas and Megan. The situation that brought us all together was not the prettiest and yet we found comfort in sharing our stories with eachother and knowing that all three of us could share something so precious, scary, tragic, and huge, together.

Dallas was so pretty. So young. She had so much ahead of her. I may be a few years older then her but in wisdom and bravery she is by far my elder. I remember thinking how she always made me feel so dumb. Not that she was trying. But a girl of 17 maybe 18 could sit in front of me and tell me her story of placing her son in the arms of his new mommy and barely have a break in her voice. She handled her adoption so well that I always did and still do find her to be a huge affect on my life. She is amazing. I remember when we told our stories to eachother. I was so shocked to find that regardless of the religious community we all  live in and the way people gossip, she was still going to her regular high school and even attended her Graduation. Her braveness was so astonishing to me that I stood in awe of her. She carried this heavy burden and all the mistakes she had made in public and was not afraid of what others thought.

 The day she came in after her son had been placed I was a mess. I was so afraid of the feelings it would bring up in me. I thought that she would be a mess as well. Yet when she walked into the room, she looked more like a woman, a mature woman with some wisdom and knowledge that I still had yet to learn. She approached the story with bravery and beauty. I felt a love for her that I had never felt for someone who wasn't my sister. She was so compassionate to my situation and her boyfriend offered to talk to Frankie about how the adoption was for him. I don't think I ever thanked her or him for the offer but I want to let her know how much that meant to me. Now today she is still an inspiration to me. She has moved on with her life but has not forgotten the past. I only hope that I can show this much courage and faith as a mother.

Megan was not much younger then me. Her story was one of courage. She had a situation that I had never dreamed of being in. I felt so much sadness when she told the story and yet so much amazement at how she was preparing to be a single mother. I appreciated all the things she would ask about in our class. She was so mature; so strong. I felt retarded next to her faith and willingness to work hard the rest of her life.

 I left the class before her since Michael was born before her son, but not that long ago we had a play date. I was so happy to see how great she looked and how cute and funny her little Haven is. She updated me on what was going on and I have to say, again she amazed me at how great she is and at how far she is willing to go to do what is best for Haven and herself.

 In my heart I will always love these two women and what they taught me. We may have met at the worst of times in our own lives but I will continue to love them as my sisters. I am looking forward to seeing the great futures they both have and the growth that will come from it.

 So to Megan and  Dallas. This is for you! Thank you both for being such inspiring and loving women. I am a better person today for having met you. I consider you both my sisters, since you both taught me so much about life and love.

"A friend is someone who understands your past, believes in your future, and accepts you just the way you are."
-- Author Unknown

Dallas Sloan
Megan Jolynn